Who on Earth is Jeff?
Running free and letting go of expectations.
Last Sunday was a good day. A really good day. I did nothing particularly wild or exciting but that's not what I seek in life these days.
On Sunday, I ran.
I've long had a love-hate relationship with running. Ten or so years ago, I forced myself to do it regularly and got myself to the point where I could run 10km or so at a reasonable pace. My knees didn't like it and if I pushed myself a little too far, those joints would be unhappy for days or even weeks afterwards. Gradually I stopped doing it.
Then the pandemic came along and, like many others, I found myself with a lot more time on my hands and a need to get outside and exercise. So, I started running again.
I began with couch to 5k and then continued some more. The knees still didn't particularly like it but I wasn't ever running more than about 6km at a time so they could just about cope. Then the world returned to a new kind of normal and I stopped running again.
Fast-forward to January 2024. After the excess of Christmas, I was ready to start exercising again. I pumped up my bicycle tyres, got the fluorescent jacket out and began cycle-commuting to my part-time teaching job again. On one of my working from home days that same week, I decided to go for a walk. Part-way through that walk, I felt a strange urge to run. So, I ran; just for a little bit. It felt good to get my heart rate up and it made me think that next time I would plan to run some more.
That's how it went for a couple of weeks. I would have a minimum expectation to go for a walk and if I felt like running for some parts of it, I would. If I didn't feel like running then that was fine as long as I did a walk.
In the meantime, my husband had signed up to complete an organised 10km run in mid-March so he was keen to go out as often as possible. One Sunday morning he asked me if I'd like to go with him. 'I can't run it all' was my first response. 'That's ok, we can alternate between running and walking and go as far as you feel comfortable with'. I think we covered 7km that day and alternated walking 500m with running 500m, or 'jeffing' as it's commonly known.
That day was a beautiful bright, cold January morning. We got up, had a cup of tea and half a slice of toast each and then headed out. It was delightful: a perfect combination of getting outside, feeling the sun on our faces, increasing the heart rate and having good conversation. Alternating between running and walking meant that we could have conversation. When I am only running, I find it very difficult to talk at the same time!
When we got home, we made some poached eggs and a cafetière of coffee and felt smug that we'd already done some exercise for the day.
It was so enjoyable that we have since done the same thing on three more Sundays; most recently last weekend. Each time we have got quicker (well I have, my husband is running at my pace, and I know it's all quite slow for him!), and it has felt better.
Last Sunday after 8km, I enjoyed it so much that I started thinking about signing up for the 10km run that my husband is doing in March. I don't plan to run all of it, but I'm fine with that. I have no time-based expectations of myself, I simply want to get outside and enjoy feeling the air in my lungs, and get my legs moving (no matter how slowly).
Letting go of the expectation that I can't stop and walk or that I need to run at a certain pace has been very freeing. Taking away that self-imposed pressure has allowed me to focus on the enjoyment.
One of the nicest things about our Sunday morning 'jeffs' has been the time to chat with my husband. Of course, we have plenty of time to chat during the week, but there's something different about these chats that I can't quite explain. It feels very connected.
I’m never ever going to be a ‘good’ runner, but allowing myself to walk sometimes and go with what feels right for my body has opened up a different way of thinking about running. Dare I say, I often wake up excited about the prospect of a long run/walk with my husband.
On Wednesday, I needed to take our car to the garage for a service and MOT first thing in the morning. I drove there and then rather than take the bus, I ‘jeffed’ the 5km home. Once again the plan was to run just some of the way, but I ended up running most of the route and feeling good when I got home. Even my knees didn’t seem to be complaining.
My suspicion is that letting go of self-inflicted expectation may turn out to be applicable to other areas of my life too. Let’s see!
I’ll keep you posted on whether I do the 10km or not but, regardless, I plan to keep showing up and do what feels right for me each day.
Have you let go of any overly ambitious expectations of yourself? How does it feel?
Earlier this week, I shared a guest post by the brilliant Beth Spencer You can read it here in case you missed it:
There were two invitations for you:
I love collaboration so if you’ve got an idea for a piece you think would suit the Chez Hanny audience, please do email a pitch or an entire piece to: info@hannahashe.co.uk
On Wednesday 14th February at 7:30pm UK time, I will host the next Create Ensemble session which is open to all subscribers.
Connecting with you via video call has been so wonderful in these sessions so far, and I can’t wait to welcome more of you to the calm, safe and creative online space we share.
I know it’s Valentine’s day, but I assume that, like me, you don’t bow to the commercial pressures of such a thing and would rather be writing or reading or painting in the presence of lots of us lovely creatives!
Inspired by Beth, I think I am going to use the time to draw or paint.
Register and get the link for the session here:
I look forward to seeing you there!
Hannah x
This is kind of what happened to me with journaling lately, Hannah. I used to journal every day and stopped the last few years.. Then just recently I got back into it with a spiritual fire I didn't see coming. I've nearly filled up half a moleskin notebook in the last 2 months alone. I might finish it by Spring! I like your writing. I'm subscribing.
I love that you're showing up for yourself! I have let go of my overly ambitious goal of running a Substack, co-hosting a podcast and juggling my writing career while getting plenty of sleep, ha!